“It’s The Small Gestures That Make the Real Difference ?”

While its  the big occasions that are always remembered, it’s usually the small gestures that make the real difference.

 Remembering what dish someone likes to order a particular restaurant or what someone’s favorite colour is;  or maybe just a bunch of flowers that made someone smile! The thought of a “small gesture” lingers on long after the moment is over. Some moments last a lifetime.

 More often then not, the moments that have brought a smile to my face and touched me deep inside are small moments of small gestures.

 So go ahead and make that small gesture that will make someone smile. It’s worth much more than waiting for a big occasion to come by.

“The Art of Self Stroking?”

Like most days, I was awakened this morning by the sound of my wife waking up our daughters for school. Slipping in and out of sleep, I heard the same words of affection that are so common to all mothers when they pamper their children.

 Children grow up showered with all the love and affection that parents can possible shower upon them. They applaud the smallest of achievements, and encourage every hint of an effort. This, embeds in the sub-conscious a constant need to be stroked; a constant need to be recognized. And then you are placed in the “real world” , if I may call it so. The sudden lack of stroking , as one is used to, creates a vacuum which becomes difficult to comprehend. An extreme comparison would be that of “withdrawal symptoms” experienced whenever an addiction is given up.

 This is when the “art of self stroking” comes into play.  The ability to fill the vacuum that has come into being.. I don’t say it can be a substitute, but I guess it can surely be a supplement.

“Who is the Most Important Person In Your Life?”

Provocative as it may sound, the truth is that “you yourself” are the most important person in your own life.

 People come up with various responses when I ask them this question. Some name their parents, others their siblings while still others, their friends. What follows is usually a puzzled look which conveys a lack of conviction in what they have just stated. “Have I named the correct person?” they seem to ask themselves.

My logic – ultimately everything finds a place in how it affects you. Take yourself out of the equation and everything will cease to have a meaning. Its all relative, its all connected.

Debatable ? It definitely is.

So the next time you are faced with  this question, think again.

“Cut Out The Glare When You Can’t Cut Out The Source”

Someone must have had the above thought in his mind when he invented the sunglasses. There was precious little that he could have done about the Sun so he thought of an intervention to soften the effect. The source remained the same but the effect got diluted. A simple thought that kicked off a revolution.

 I learnt in the “7 Habits” program, the concept of the space between “stimulus“ & “response” that allows you to choose how you respond to a given situation. Those who are able to exercise this choice evolve as better human beings who are in better control of themselves.

 So while there is no end in cursing the “Source”, there is definitely a way to “Cut Out The Glare” .

“HOW MUCH” & “WHEN” – As Important As The “WHAT” & “HOW”

Ever thought of eating a week’s amount of food in a day and then staying hungry for the rest of the week. Or sleeping for 24 hours and then staying awake for the next 24 hours. Probably not. This is a lesson that is taught way back in school – “you need to be regular in your studies throughout the year to do well in your exams” – we’ve all heard this from our teachers at point or the other. Somewhere along the way we forget this basic lesson.

Sustaining the pace of it all is actually the key. The timing as well as the quantum of anything is as important as what is done & how it is done. Or else it loses its meaning.

While all of us would like our flights & trains to be on time for instance, it would never be acceptable if they started leaving before time.

To deliver more & faster is not always desirable in all walks of life.

“The ACT Might Change – The Characters Remain The Same”

“People Don’t Leave Organizations, they leave Managers” – something that is common knowledge and is backed by elaborate research.

More often than not, deep down in each situation lies an element of a “person” playing the quiet role in driving a person to take a decision to “move on”. It may still seem otherwise at a surface level but the moment you dig deeper, this is likely to emerge.

The question you are then faced with is whether getting away from such a situation, would be the solution. The natural answer probably would be “yes it would”. “If it is a person who has created turmoil in my life, his / her absence should make things just fine.” How often does this really happen? How often are you “at peace” the moment you move into a different Company or a different walk of life with a new set of people? I probably can’t answer that either.

I believe that, while the “The ACT Might Change – The Characters Remain The Same”. In the same manner that each Act has an antagonist & a protagonist, life also has a more or less pre-defined set of characters. Their names might change, their appearances might change but you will end up finding each one of them in every walk of life.

So the next time you decide to “move on” to get away from a “person”, think twice. What would you do next if you encountered the same character all over again?

“How Bright is My Future?”

A commonly asked question in many developmental discussions. I would say, “your future is as bright as you make it to be.”

 It is said that “Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion; you have to set yourself on fire”.

 Even a bonfire needs to be properly arranged & carefully lit before it lights up fully. So its important to craft a good present in order to have a bright future. There are no real short cuts, no one stop solutions.

What we do on some great future occasion will probably depend on what we already are; and what we are will be the result of previous years of self-discipline. – H.P. Liddon

The Amount of Change- A Measure of Success

Often, “how successful you are” tends to be measured by “how much change you have brought about”. Be it at the start of one’s career or be it at the level of CEOs, change is something that is expected each time there is a change of guard. In the bargain, many a times, one ends up choosing the wrong things to bring about a change in. End result, you end up disturbing a perfect equilibrium.

What is going right should ideally be left alone. That will give you valuable time to concentrate on the actual areas that need to be addressed. It will give you the mental confidence and comfort that a large part of your pie is well taken care of. It will not distract you, it will not lower your spirits. It will always edge you to go on.

So the next time you look at something you would like to change, look closely. If you still think it requires a change, go ahead & do it or else change the way you look at it.

“Ultimately its about what you leave behind”

“Ek din bik jaayega maati ke mol, jag mein rah jaayenge, pyaare tere bol”. I’ve grown up listening to this song, I’m sure many of you have too.

What we strive so hard to create around ourselves would have little meaning if there isn’t much that one leaves behind. It’s like that great movie, a sumptuous lunch or a beautiful song that lingers long after it is gone.

A very dear friend of mine moved to another city today, in pursuance of his future. I felt a strong sense of a vacuum around myself but realized as the day went by that, he had left behind such a lot that it will probably more than make up for his physical absence.

I have learned that people may forget what you said, people may forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

The Baggage Of Camouflage

I was having a conversation with a gentleman, this afternoon, who is a veteran of the print media & advertising industry when he touched upon the importance of transparency in life. His words lingered on long after he had said them. “The more I hide, the more baggage I carry” he said. “The more I need to remember what I have hidden, the more I need to camouflage my true self. On the contrary, the more I share my true self, the freer I am.”

What is it that you would like to do?